EverydayJason.com

Essays, Articles and Posts on Topics of Serious Importance for this Monstrous World

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What does it mean to lose someone? This is a seriously important question as we all will at some time or another lose someone that we value very deeply in our lives. We will face this utterly stark reality whether we want to or not. We rely deeply on other people to tell us who we are. We rely on parents to tell us who we should have been and who we were in a past life (to see this you must look at what parents are deeply). We rely on spouses and partners to tell us who we could become if we could only not hit the snooze button some many times and get on the exercise bike once and a while. And, we rely on our children to tell us who are in the here and now as their eyes are innocent and do not yet have the ability to judge us (speaking of small children). We need those eyes of innocence desperately as they are a holy mirror into which we view the totality of the entire universe. We say to that mirror like the snow queen of old the only question that matters that being: Is the universe friendly?   When my Ava, my daughter, died, I lost the mirror through which I saw myself and became blind. I was no longer capable of seeing who I was anymore. Because I couldn’t see myself, I also could no longer see the universe for what it was either, I began to float and wonder hopelessly in a see of nothingness, a kind of death.  I was deeply enveloped in the role of being her daddy. I relied on that role to give me great satisfaction and an intensely pleasurable sense of purpose. The role was not me but I thought it was and had been convinced that the entirety of my existence was connected to the role I played as Ava’s daddy.  To go back to my initial question, what does it mean to lose someone, I am not sure. I realize she is not physically here anymore and I guess that would be an answer. But, her things are here, my love for her is here, my memories of her are here, it get’s really hard to put your finger on exactly what is missing when you look at it in terms of what is actually not here.  I think the most vital thing to examine here is the role that I played in her life. That is the thing that is truly missing and the source of greatest pain that being the death of the role that I played as her daddy.  When encountering this kind of loss, you realize that there is no such thing as freedom and choice when it comes to death. Death is the ending of something and it is not democratic in any form or fashion. Its rulings if you can call then that are final and there is no form of recourse whatsoever. I don’t know if you have noticed or not but we humans don’t handle endings or beginnings very well. We think that both are signs from some man made deity hailing this idea or that. We also never actually look into what it means to begin. For more discussion on that topic see the article what it means to exist.  From the point of not understanding our beginnings, we create the need to fill our minds with notions of immortality. The Christian, Islamist and Jewish person believes that his soul will be resurrected and that he shall persist forever with his god in a state of perpetual satisfaction or if he has not adequately pleased his g-d then he may experience eternal dissatisfaction and torment being removed from the divine presence. The adherent to Eastern Religions believe in a cycle of continuous human return visits until merger with god is achieved via various means of struggle and renunciations and ultimately eventual acquiescence to an understanding that brings enlightenment and with it the great pleasure of perceived knowledge of god and the self. The point here is that all religions, ALL RELIGIONS, do the same thing. They give people the notion and the perception that our lives persist beyond death. That is the problem with death. Well our problem with the idea of death, death in actuality has no problem just as birth doesn’t but it is us who fail to properly see what death is and that failure to see clearly creates all problems with death and birth and life.

The living is the dying.  The being born is a part of the dying just as the dying is eternally linked to the being born. There is no separation between the being born and the dying. Time separates them only in the mind of those who see through a glass darkly. Every moment of our lives are filled with death and with birth. Every breath in and breath out is a kind of birth and a kind of death. The breath is drawn from nowhere and just as it is acquired it quietly evacuates until there is no trace of it remaining.